After 9 months of trying to get pregnant, I finally did. There is nothing like that first feeling you get when you see the test read positive. I really couldn't believe it. I went out to the store and bought two more. This time it was the digital read out that say pregnant and I finally believed it had happened. I couldn't wait to get a doctor's appointment! The earliest doctor's appointment I could get was still two weeks away. So for the next week I would catch myself rubbing my stomach in happiness. Mom was so excited when I told her on Mother's Day. We were inviting David's parents over for dinner to tell them on the day after my doctor's appointment. Friday came, the day I had to go to the doctor's. I was so excited sitting in the waiting room barely able to wait to see my little pea sized baby. Then as I laid there on the table looking at the screen worry kicked in. They could not find anything that would say I was pregnant. How could this be? Unless 5 pregnancy tests were all faulty, I couldn't understand. The doctor wanted me to come back the next week because it might have just been to early to see anything. This was not the happy news I wanted to hear. And not to my knowledge yet but it wasn't even the worst news to hear.
The next week came and I left work a little early to go to the doctor. David met me there. I had my hopes up. We did another ultrasound and again nothing. By this time I would be either 7 or 8 weeks pregnant and they would be able to see something. So the doctor took David and I into her office and explained what was going on. Apparently, I had an ectopic pregnancy. I had done my research and was really scared because of course the baby can't survive but also because in most cases they need surgery to remove it. The doctor gave us a few options. One being that I would have surgery to remove it but risk losing my right fallopian tube increase the chance of never being able to had kids or I could have a round, possible two rounds of chemo to desentigrate it.
When I got to the car I busted out crying. Here I thought finally I was given the most precious gift for it to just be taken away. It hurt so bad thinking it was so close to being real.
David was also very dissappointed. I could see it in his face. He had just gotten used to the idea he was going to be a daddy.
Now what we really needed was a miracle to happen. The doctor said that by some chance it might miscarry on its own which is the best shenerio for an ectopic pregnancy but she wouldn't count on it. So now here we were actually praying to lose the baby. A few days later that prayer had been answered. I miscarried the pregnancy so I didn't have to choose which way to terminate it.
I am very disappointed but I know that when it's meant to be it will happen for me. At lest now I know that I am able to get pregnant which was a question that has been answered after 9 months of wondering.
